A New Venture.

I decided many years ago to dedicate myself to writing. And for ten or so years, that’s exactly what I did. Everything I wrote, for the most part, I put on this website. Even the first novel, Areon and Nothingness, is available now. I’m seeking publication for my second one currently.

A lot of things happened during the last ten years. I had a son. I loved and lost. I got a few more tattoos, and I drink a lot less.

And I also did much thinking. I realized that although I do possess a deep love for writing, I also need to do more than that in my lifetime. I wrote down all that stuff that was in my head and then realized, after it was all out, that I wanted to help people. I want to do some good in the world. I do think writing is good, but now that I’ve done all that, made a few stories, I want to do something even greater with my life, while continuing to seek mainstream publication.

That’s part of becoming a Giant to me, different facets. I’m still on the path, and as of this point, writing isn’t enough for my path. So I’ll still leave everything up here, all the poetry, and the links to buy the books, and all the words. But while I continue to do this, I’m going to continue to do other things because I feel like I have it in me.

I want to keep saving people, literally if I can. I want to make money someday and help feed people in other countries, or maybe go back to school, I want to run my business and help others succeed in the proccess. I want to raise my son to be honest, true, just, polite, kind, and without fear. I want to see the world if possible.

So thank you for stopping in, thank you friends, readers, for everything. Stop back any old time. Thanks for saving me too. I’m off to save someone else for now.

My Best,


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God’s Plan for You to go to Hell

You hear Christians, or even just people that believe in God, say that “He has a plan for all of us.” And then when someone asks, “Why does evil exist if God is omni-benevolent and all-powerful and more or less PERFECT?” To which the believers reply: “He gave us free will and WE created evil in the world.”

So this logically doesn’t work. If God has a plan, we can’t have free will. Anyone with free will would do as they wished, and God couldn’t know the “plan”, if it indeed truly were free will.

So let’s pretend that God does have a plan and we don’t have free will: this means God planned on some people going to hell, since according to the Bible and to some believers people indeed have gone to hell and are indeed in hell. What kind of benevolent God would PLAN on sending people to hell? Sounds a lot worse than Satan to me…

Either God doesn’t have a plan (because some are in hell and Him loving you infinitely means he couldn’t have PLANNED that) or he’s not all good (because an all loving God wouldn’t plan on sending folks to hell). I’ll leave out the free will argument aside for now. Because here’s where I love argument and not knowing: St. Augustine comes back at me apparently immediately by saying that God CAN love you AND throw you into hell. How? He loves you so much that he sends you to hell. As a punishment. As a lesson. Now this doesn’t work for me exactly because a lesson isn’t eternal. If it is, then again, it’s a logical contradiction according to the definition: you can’t learn a lesson for eternity, because learning a lesson implies that you’ll do better and get another chance. Thus Augustine, so I heard, would say back that the lesson is for other mortals to learn from. That’s how much God loves us.

Here’s a better argument for it: There is no such thing as evil at all. Hell and pain and suffering ARE NOT evil and bad. In truth, those are as much pure love as sending you to heaven; good and evil don’t exist, only love from God. And that love might mean eternal hellfire or eternal light.

Here’s my favorite argument that I said to myself before anyone ever would have said it to me: God can somehow be an all good perfect infinitely loving being, and have a plan that throws us into hell. Contradiction right? It’s what I brought up in the beginning of this essay. Yet if God is all-powerful and perfect, in which nothing greater can ever be imagined, doesn’t that mean He can make it so that this notion ISN’T a contradiction? It just IS. If God created 2+2=4 can’t he also make 2+2=6? Somehow? In some way that we can’t fathom because we’re infinitely far away from his divinity and perfectness? It’s why I say that contradictions don’t exist; it wasn’t just some flippant expression for me to sound profound. They don’t exist on a micro or macro level if you just dig in deep enough and discover the truth of it all.

And once you do that you let me know.

The answer to the initial question is what everyone already knows deep down in themselves: We do not know. I give the question How can God be an all loving/all good God and still have a plan that sends us to hell? I don’t know. Neither do you I’m afraid. Oh and by the way, you don’t know if God exists either. Or if he doesn’t. Or if He’s perfect. Or if he’s a He, Or if you’re you or if you’re real or if you breathe or what chalk is or what you love or what numbers mean or what logic is or if you’re leaving the house tomorrow. We all just believe things.

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A Finite Number

So this came to me: since we have a limited number of words in the English language, according to the Global Language Monitor approximately just over a million, that it would be possible to have a fixed amount of written works in the world at some point. This is difficult to wrap your head around, and it also has some rules that I, as the arbiter of this thought, came up with. Since there is only about a million words, one can rearrange those words to make up a specific and finite number of sentences, essays, books, poems, what have you. That is to say, we might not have an unlimited amount of written things to write about. At some point, after all these words have been rearranged in all possible ways, then every writer after that would be copying verbatim what some else has already written.

Now this would take a long time. I have no idea the equation needed to figure out how many of these potential works there could be. But as far as the rules, the sentences would have to make sense. For example, you couldn’t just write a book entitled “The” and write the word “The” 50,000 times and call it a book; you couldn’t do it for various reasons: it breaks the rules of a sentence, it doesn’t make sense, there is not plot, and so forth. Also, this would make this whole thing obsolete, because if you could write said novel of 50,000 words that were “The” you could then say that writing is now infinite because now you can write a novel with 50,001 words of “The” and call it something different.

So if you’re still with me at this point, since the English language has a finite number of words, then those words can only be rearranged a finite amount of times if they follow the rules. Now writers of the world, don’t be alarmed: this number of work is staggeringly large (as in, we’ll never reach it). But why won’t we reach it?

Two possibilities for why we won’t reach it: 1) Not that many people will write throughout the history of time and the number is so large that it might as well be infinite. 2) The humans of Earth will kill each other off before we could ever reach this number of finite amount of rearranged words.

Now here’s where it becomes even more interesting. Let us pretend we don’t kill each other off, that we don’t blow up Earth. Let’s pretend that we discover space exploration and colonize other planets and populate the galaxy and thus become immortal. Then, thousands and thousands of years and light years later, at some point, someone finally writes the last original work out there. Then after that point, everything everyone says or writes is a complete copy of something someone else said or wrote prior to them.

So maybe, in a galaxy far far away, a long time from now, someone will write exactly what I’ve just written, albeit they didn’t realize it. Perhaps we’ve already reached that point and I’m copying what somebody else has already written from long ago, but I doubt it. I think.

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Writing in America… or in the world…

So I was in St. Louis, walking to a local beer retailer, and this guy I’m walking with asks, “So what do you think of writing in America?” I paused for a minute thinking about how many different aspects he could be referring to. But then I responded, “It’s a tough case. I mean we have such easy access to printing and publishing, even if that means self-publishing, that everyone thinks it’s okay to write a book.” This made me stop talking and start thinking while we walked.

It’s bad and good (whatever those two words mean). It’s bad for writers specifically if everybody wants to write. Because then, with a teeming country of writers, no writer really ever stands out, and some great ones even get lost in the whole mess. I’m not saying I’m one of those greats or anything, I’m really not, partly because I’m too young to know if I’ve failed yet or made it, and also, I think I’ll just never know. And the problem is that part of this not knowing, is due to the fact that so many people write; they all will probably never know either. And furthermore, I thought about all the bullshit “authors” out there. I thought about the complete shit books that I’ve read from would be authors. Worse, I thought about the times people have come up to me and said, “Hey, you’re an author? So am I.” And so I ask, “What have you written?” to which they reply, “Well, nothing yet, but I want to be a writer and I have some really great ideas.” And then of course you have the ones that say, “I should write a book,” and they never will of course, they just think it’s a great idea, and you’ve the step worse that says, “You should write a book about me!” as if they have some more grand things they’ve done in their lives than anyone else, and as if I’ve got the time or care even if I did have the time (I do have the time, I’ve just never met anyone worth writing about).

The point is that you’ve got so many aspiring authors, ones with ambition and ones with none, and you’ve got so many true authors, that it’s difficult as hell to make your way any more in this world where writing is now a profession, and at minimum, looked on upon with some sort of something that isn’t animosity (I believe it used to be at different points in history, depending on the part of the world). Then to compound and confirm my cynicism, I find this article, and I read it unable to wonder to myself, “Am I the asshole that this guy is trying to tell to ‘QUIT WRITING, YOU DUMBASS!’”.

But then another thought struck me, and I hold to it, I daresay. Why shouldn’t everyone write a book? The ones with good intentions should indeed have their say; the ones that already acted on those good intentions and put time into a full length novel, or short story, or some poems, should be praised for putting something onto paper, even if won’t be published and make them millions. Because at the very least, at the very most optimistic, in the face of those authors that hate poor writers that wish to be famous, maybe someday, when those writers are dead and gone for good, part of them will remain, whether it is what the critics call “good” or worthy of being published, or anything else for that matter. It exists, and maybe that’s not a bad thing at all. It might give someone, somewhere, something to read one day. And that should be the hope of any writer.

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NAEP Conference

Writing conferences are a good way for writers, publishers, agents, and other interested parties to network and pitch their stuff as well as become more known in the writing world, and I had been considering finding some of these and attending during the next year. Before I seriously looked into them though, I received a general public nomination, and I have no idea from whom or how, to evaluate students’ essays at a NAEP conference in St. Louis, MO. The acronym stands for National Assessment of Educational Progress. I’ll be looking over 4th, 8th, and 12th grade essays over the next week and seeing how they did. Then at the end, NAEP has willing panelists take the examination as well and they score it and we all go over it and see how we did and so forth. So it’s not a fiction writing conference, but an experience nonetheless, and it’s a good start to the year, as I can say I’m doing something that helps people that do what I love to do. That, and I when I’m an old man on his porch with a pen and paper staring off into the distance thinking about his words and his life, I’ll be able to say I left South Dakota once in a while.

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Berserkr Blood, in the end of it all…

Good heavens I finally finished my novel Berserkr Blood. I started it sometime in 2006 or 07, I can’t exactly remember. When I first wrote it, when it started out, the main character wasn’t realized, the world was foggy, and the story was insipid. So I threw it all away, four long chapters, or so, I deleted. That’s more difficult to do than some people might think. Then Karl came about, in my mind, a realized character from the beginning and he brought with him his story, which was nice because then the writing was easier. I know why and how characters like Drizzt Do’Urden from R.A. Salvatore and Lirael from Garth Nix exist now; they must have just come about in the author’s mind, parts of their philosophies mixed with other things from the world, to create their own personalized and unique being. Karl from my story is the same. I think these authors would agree they are apart from them, as separate people, ones who could continue to write themselves because of their unique integrity, their distinguished voice, and their inimitable aspects. So read about him! For the sake of good and evil read about Karl. His journey is a difficult one, as is life. I’m querying agents as we speak, which means a one page pitch; most big publishing houses won’t read manuscripts unless they’re from an agent, so with hope, one will pick me up. Email me if you want to read it: silus_81@hotmail.com. I always love a good critique.

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Berserkr Blood

Apart from all the shorter works you can read on here, I’ve been working on the second novel. I think it should turn out all right if it ever turns out. I’d like to start posting it on here, but I’m sure people will begin to hate me for the cliffhangers and I’ll be under a deadline before I know it. But it’s called Berserkr Blood and of course I’m writing less and less on it as the fall semester of graduate school rolls in (most unwelcome). But it is a nice allusion to the Old Norse Berserkers and I’ll try and finish it off as soon as possible. If you’re really curious I’ll send you what is done via email if you email me about it. Approximately 80,000 words I’ve already written and most likely another 20-30,000 more to go.

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